We have a couple weeks left of 2019 with 2020 right around the corner, I wanted to take a moment and share with you all my reflection of 2019. The ups and the downs and everything in between that made this year one of the hardest I’ve come to experiences but also one that I learned the most about life and myself.
Overall Reflection of 2019
2019 has been hands-down one of the most challenging years of my life thus far. It challenged me and my mental health to its core; I grappled with feelings that I didn’t quite understand and I struggled hard with my unknown future. I started 2019 constantly questioning my path and the future state of my dreams. Looking back, it was scary how much I let one test score set the trajectory of my mindset. I felt like I was riding waves of emotions; there would be periods where I felt so happy and then times where I just wanted to stay in bed all day. I put on happy faces when I was crushed inside too many days out of the year instead of facing my emotions and presenting them to myself and the people around me. I felt like a liar sometimes. Of course, I want to always present my chirpy-self to the world because I hate seeing other people sad for me and have to worry about my problems so I always tried to cover it up. I am natural worrier, but hopefully in 2020, I turn into a warrior.
I started the year with my family by my side and January is one of my favorite months because of this. Both of my parents’ birthday fall into this month and I love celebrating them. I was excited to start the new year after my rocky end to 2018 and thought this was going to be my fresh start. I wanted good changes, but I also knew I desperately needed breaks from my “to-do” lists. So I took the time to relax and unwind a bit and just settle into the working life. But I took on the new challenge of a blog post a day and that really kicked my creativity into high gear. I enjoyed it so much and loved sharing new content with you all each day.
This month went by so fast and I did one of my first couple photoshoots with Alex. I remember it being such a happy month! I was loving the love in the air and getting accustomed to the cold temps. It was also the start of Alex’s new job hunting journey so I was so excited to see him work so tirelessly every day to prep himself for his ultimate dream job. This was one of the periods of life I vividly remember thinking to myself how important it was to have dedicated people around you. Seeing that firsthand really pushed me to work harder in all aspects of my life. I also had SO MUCH fun writing about Chinese New Year, which I was nervous to do at first, but the feedback was AMAZING! I love to share my culture with you all and you make it so easy to do so.
March always feels like a dragged on month for me. Probably because at that point, I was almost ready for winter to be over and the whole one blog post per day situation was getting too much for me to handle with everything else that was going on. There is a lot of content to be created for each blog post and I didn’t have enough time to do it so it was putting a lot of stress not only on me but on Alex as well since he takes a lot of my photos. At the end of the month I started winding down and ultimately decided to narrow down the amount of content I was publishing. My parents also were able to come to the city and hang out with us one weekend! It was so fun to have them new restaurants and just enjoy themselves.
I distinctively remember the beginning of this month and all the anticipation it brought along with it. I turned 23 at the beginning of this month and I wrote a blog post about the 23 things I learned. For some reason, I was so afraid to turn 23. My life had turned out nothing to be like what I envisioned it would be at 23 and I was terrified at what that means. For a long time, I thought it meant I had failed to achieve my long-term goals, but I kept getting the reminder that I am still young and I can still go after them! And Alex and celebrated our 4 year anniversary this month!
This month had two very special events: first, my sister turned 20 and the weather started warming up! My sister goes to school at UCLA so the distance makes it hard to see her and she’s ALWAYS studying (pre-med life), but I love to get to celebrate her even from afar. I am still hoping that she comes back to New York for med school (hi jody). But I felt a wave of feeling reversed during this month…maybe because I finally convinced myself things might work out and the weather is becoming nicer?
FAVORITE BLOG POST OF MAY: LIFE AFTER GRADUATING COLLEGE
I remember the weather being so nice during this month that my favorite part of each day would be to eat lunch outside! There was a little park by my old job and I would just sit there the entire hour or sometimes if it’s not too hot, I would spend my hour just walking around. It was weird to process that I wouldn’t be getting a summer vacation because “adult” life…but things kind of worked out for the worst for wishing that…
FAVORITE BLOG POST OF JUNE: SUCCESS CAN’T BE TOLD THROUGH NUMBERS
Easily hands-down one of the harder months for my family and I in 2019. After celebrating July 4th at home with my family, we got the unexpected phone call that my grandpa had passed away in China. My mom had dealt with the death of her mom only a few years prior and the death of her dad really broke her down. It was extremely hard for me to experience going through that with her again. We had to take an immediate trip back to China as a family to attend the month long funeral preparations. Alex was able to come and I was able to be with my siblings, but it was a time that I really struggled to be happy all the time. After our grandpa’s funeral was over, we made the best of the time we had together to really enjoy family and get to show Alex around.
Coming back to reality of life in China, I came back to NYC at the end of the month ready to tackle life here again and went straight back into studying. But my mind kept telling me I wasn’t ready, so I made the executive decision to push my test date back again to really allow myself the time to unwind and re-adjust. I also used this time to really evaluated what I wanted in my life professionally and made a plan how to tackle that in the upcoming months.
I was suppose to take the test this month but ultimately moved it forward to October because I more family things to deal with. I had to help my parents with a lot of personal things and it got in the way of studying efficiently. At this point, I was feeling really nervous and felt like no time was sufficient. I also channeled all of that energy into working out this month! I got more serious about the gym and went about four times a week! Although I didn’t change my diet and my body didn’t change that much, I felt overall better about my mood and mindset. I definitely want to bring better health in the new year.
I got back into creating a lot more and collaborating with more companies that I love. This always pushes me to create more and better content for you guys to enjoy. At the end of the month I had to go back upstate since my test location was there and my parents took a day off work to take me and have me relax. It made everything feel so real and I just hoped that all of my hard work paid off….
FAVORITE BLOG POST OF OCTOBER: OCTOBER BULLET JOURNAL SPREAD
The looming test score anticipation makes each day harder – I didn’t want a repeat of last year. But I tried to focus on the positive: Alex’s birthday! I planned an entire weekend of things he liked doing and hanging out with our friends just relaxing and enjoying some pizza. Alex had always wanted to try Japanese omakase…and we finally did! Even though I am not a huge raw fish lover, the experience was amazing. Alex said it was one of the best experiences he had! As for Thanksgiving, we spent it at home with my parents with the traditional hot pot dinner.
As the year winds down and we have a few more weeks left to go, I am hopeful that things will turn out for the better. I am reminding myself everyday that everything happens for a reason and we will ultimately end up where we are meant to be. Life works in funny ways and it sends us blessings in weird formats; I’m just now hoping mine comes sooner rather than later. Christmas time in NYC also always manages to put the BIGGEST smile on my face because of all the season cheer (people are generally nicer) and the beautiful decorations!
FAVORITE BLOG POST OF DECEMBER: DECEMBER BULLET JOURNAL SPREAD
This year, I am so thankful to have people around me who support me wholeheartedly and push me to continue believing in myself. I admit I have some wild dreams of what I want to do in the future, and I know, even if I don’t take the smooth path, I will still eventually end up where I want to be. I am choosing positivity and reclaiming the happiness in my life. Reminding myself that my perspective every day is a choice has helped me have a better outlook. I am excited for the new era and have already set new goals, which I will share next few weeks! Hope you take time to do your own reflection of 2019 to find some insight for the new year ahead.
For now, thanks a million and one for reading — until my next lil’ thought then!
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