Wrapping up and saying goodbye to 2020 with this final blog post of the year. During the last week of every year, I like to sit down and organize my thoughts of the entire year as a whole; attempting to relive and commemorate the good…and the bad.
Like most, this year contained a lot of unspoken and unshared hardships, not only because of COVID-19 but also with personal goals that didn’t see the light of day or struggles in day-to-day life. But it has also allowed me to relish in so many good moments that wouldn’t have happened if the pandemic didn’t occur.
I think we all had to slow down this year in some aspect of our lives…definitely socially ahahah. And that was hard for me to accept in the beginning; not knowing what was going to happen or unable to plan for the near future scared me. But being scared is a good thing when we are so used to the hustling and bustling. It made me revisit my goals, question my intentions for my future and what actually makes me happy.
LEAVING THE BAD in 2020
I struggled with inspiration when it came to content creation in 2020; whether it was because of burnout or because I was constrained in my own mind, thinking I had to create specific content to cater towards some made-up audience in my mind. It was hard not to compare with other content creators in the same niche as me and wondering if I was doing enough, growing enough, inspiring and all of that. I took a lot of breaks from the blog, Instagram and creating in general to reset and regain my sense of purpose. I still struggle with this, but I think I’m getting so much better at curating content that speaks to me first before others. I think back to why I started this blog in general and my love for writing, which is something I definitely want to bring into 2021: to create for ME.
Time management was (and sometimes still is) hard. Managing a full-time job, content creation, and also helping out at my parents’ restaurant hasn’t been all easy breezy. I’ll start my days at 7 am, work on the blog and other personal things from 7-9 am, work 9 am-6 pm, go to the restaurant until 9 pm, shower, work on my own things until 11-12 pm, crash and repeat. Exhausted became a state of mind; I was ALWAYS tired, physically and mentally. It also meant I had to re-prioritize a lot of things. With everything going on due to the pandemic, it was hard not to help out my parents during this time and all the work that was to be done, so I put a lot of my personal tasks and blogging to the side. I’m hoping to really hone in on the latter two entering 2021.
I felt failure and rejection in ways I’ve never felt before. I kept feeling like I wasn’t making headway towards my long-term goals, meeting self-created metrics and not doing enough. Amongst it all, there was an extreme lack of confidence in my abilities and feeling as if I wasn’t doing enough in general. I had to slow down my brain and remind myself that I’m doing the best I can and there’s always time to do more and work on my goals even harder.
THANKFUL FOR THE GOOD
It’s been about 6 years since I am able to come home and spent more than 10 days with my family. In fact, since March 2020, despite having to continue to pay absurd high rent in NYC, Alex, my brother and I decided to move back in with my parents to quarantine together. It has been 10 months of ups and downs of redefining boundaries with my parents, but also 10 months of amazing memories made together. Seeing them via FaceTime and hearing how hard they work day in and out has always been hard. So it’s so nice to be home and to be able to help out. It’s even better now that my sister is home and Alex is able to be here; I have all the most important people in my life together ALL the time…how lucky am I!
I got a new job in February and started in March of this year! I entered 2020 confused and scared over my career path with no sense of direction. I felt so uninspired at my last position, took my blog full time for a bit, but was so ready to get back into working and didn’t know where to start. Thank all the lucky stars that a recruiter reached out to talk about the amazing company I’m currently at. After 9 months in this position, I feel a rejuvenated sense of purpose in my career and it made me realize how important it is to work at a place that promotes growth and cares about its employees. I am genuinely excited to wake up to work every day and continue to learn.
Sesame came into our lives! If you’ve been following along on Instagram, you’ll know my parents got a chihuahua in February and he’s been the biggest bundle of joy, love and excitement…even though he’s only 5 pounds. I never knew I could love a dog SO MUCH, but he’s basically my life. I don’t know what I’m going to do when I can’t WFH and have to leave him!
Alex and I got to spend Christmas together for the first time in 6 years! Crazy that we’ve known and dated for so long, but always spent Christmas apart since his family is in California. Christmas is my absolute favorite because it’s the one time of the year I’m able to spoil the people around me. It was so fun to show Alex how we spend Christmas morning. In general, it’s been so fun to have Alex at home and to see how well he integrates with every member.
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Every year comes with the good and the bad, right? As another chapter of our lives closes, I want to remind you that even though it’s cliche, we can restart, recharge and regain our hope in a new beginning. January has always been one of my favorite months because it signals that everything in life is circular and we can once again begin again. Regardless if your 2020 was good or bad, I hope you take this chance to leave behind all the negatives of 2020 and bring into 2021 a renowned sense of hope and excitement for what’s to come.
As always, a million and one thanks for reading – until my next lil’ thought then!
xx jen
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